Letter from the Past to the Present

To

My Ex-Boyfriend

Address Unknown

Dated – 2 Years after we broke up

Hey honey,

I hope I can still call you honey. I don’t know now if I have the right or if it’ll create complications in your new life. But trust me this is the only way I can actually address you.  I am not writing this letter to curse you or to wish you ill-luck. Had those been the reason I would have gone like so many others to the numerous ‘Miracle-Men” who are found in abundance in this god-forsaken country. But no, I m not here for all that.  I m not even here to extend an olive-branch or as your current partner might believe, to seduce you or to lure you over to my side. I m writing this to you because of one simple reason. I miss you. More than missing you as my boyfriend, I miss my best friend

All it took from you was the one single sentence, “it’s over” and it seemed that my whole world came crumbling apart. I won’t deny that we both had seen it coming in the long run but you know how much of an optimist I really am and somewhere down the line, I chose to believe that even though this fragment of the relationship was over, the friendship will remain. When we broke up, it seemed that I had hit rock-bottom emotionally, but when we ceased to be friends, that’s when I knew there was something beyond the so-called rock bottom. But that was not the worst part. The worst part was that you were not there to fish me out of that abyss. In the past whenever I fell, you were there to pick me up. I was so totally dependent on you that I realized at that point of time, that had my friends not been so understanding, I would have probably become suicidal. My gals picked me up or rather what parts were left of me and gradually tried re-introducing me to life. But as hard as they tried nothing could fill the void, the void that was left by you. Gradually I started dating again. But those are just dates. I wasn’t friends with them before, so the void still remains I guess and it will remain there I guess, for somewhere deep down, I lack the courage to date a friend again.

These past few years have been hard, but I knew what I had bargained for. I bear no grudges. I just bear the ramblings. Was it really that easy for you to just forget what we had? Or do you too have a large void in your life? Does a random stranger on the street make your heart skip a beat too? Does a certain song bring back a fond memory? Did moving away from where I was geographically make the transit easy for you? Above all, do you miss your best friend too? The reason I mustered up the courage to write this to you today is because today I know I can survive. Yes I have rejoined social networks and yes I have stopped asking people about you. But as I sign off I just want you to know that I miss you even today and I care for my best friend even today. So I implore you to grant me one last request. Let’s be friends again, if not best friends.

With best regards and warm memories,

Your Girl friend of the past

Feedbacks welcome 😊

SreepurnaSpeak.sarahah.com

Pocketful of sunshine

 

I had been off the social media for quite some time. It was for purely academic purpose. (just when you thought you were too old to take a test).Anyway. So when I recently joined the social media again I saw my feed filled with people just criticizing each other. It all started with a single friend’s post who was ranting on how she had to work extra hard because her co-worker was on maternity leave. It seemed justifiable enough. She was just expressing an opinion I guess. But what had precipitated was an angry war on the social circle. Suddenly it became the married versus the single. So much so, that the war spilled over from the social media, into our social circle.

My social circle consists of both single and married people. So imagine when instead of croissants on a lazy Sunday morning, you were caught in cross-fires. The single started criticizing the married for their lack of ambition. Then they went on to make a ten point summary sort of thing on how you can never actually have it all. This stirred up a hornet’s nest. The married retaliated by saying things like, “they didn’t really need to go out to parties and pubs because they have a fulfilling family life and they were not hunting for potential husbands”. This led to some more angry words being exchanged. Singles were described as selfish, desperate for attention, extravagant and obnoxious. Married were described as needy, dependent and chained to the norms of the society.

All this hulaboo made my brunch taste bitter in my mouth. But it also led me to wonder. What is it that makes us so critical of others? Why are we so ready to shred down someone who is not following the norms? If someone is married why are they criticizing someone who is not married? Weren’t they single at one point of time as well? Why is a single person so critical about someone who is married? Won’t they ever cross over to the other side? What is wrong if we have crossed a certain age and are still not married? Why do we have to shame someone if they are fat? Why do you shame someone who prefers a book over Netflix? Why is it a big deal if you are a sloppy dresser? Why do you need to discuss someone s personal choices while commuting? Why is it always a scandal if someone chooses to leave the norm and find happiness on their own?

Single people aren’t selfish. Married people are not boring. It’s okay if you prefer your pyjamas to a lbd. It’s okay to be a nerd. It’s perfectly okay to take that trip alone, to go to that restaurant/movie alone. It’s okay to share your kid’s achievements on social media. It’s okay not to be married when you are 35. It s okay if you can’t let go of your love of gourmet. In the end we all have our weaknesses and that is fine. It’s what makes us humane. So let’s just stop being so judgmental. When was it actually that we stopped supporting each other and started pulling each other down? I wonder.

And in the mean time, my energy is solely going to focus on quitting the judgmental side and trying to be a supportive encouraging person or on “sprinkling pixie dust” as someone fondly says. Because in the end, we could all do with a little bit of sunshine.

 

Summer Sonata

 

 

There have been several times when I have been faced with the question , “if you love your city so much, why have you never written about it?” truth be told, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because the city with its vast plethora of experiences is too much for one person to pen down. I m a Bengali and this is my city, Calcutta. (Yes. I am still a snob. I will still stick to the anglicized name).

For me, the city came in different shapes and colours. My earliest memories of the city were invariably the ones every Bengali grew up with.  The warm and grueling summer with the promise of a summer vacation when, invariably, I would be swept off, along with half the population of the city to the cooler hills and grateful as I was to escape the heat and carry a bagful of memories, I always looked forward to returning home. Summers also meant going out with my grandfather and haggling over the mango vendors who used to suddenly appear at every conceivable nook and cranny of the city. For a Bengali, the worthiness of the man of the house was judged on the “aam” he picked, just by looking, feeling and smelling. On these days, you also found some man of the house throwing nuclear weapons at a vendor who had managed to dupe him and sell him sour mangoes.

Summers meant eagerly waiting for the evening. When the ice cream vendor would come by and you can just about hassle your grandparents, or in some cases emotionally blackmail into buying an ice cream. It never mattered what brand it was. All that mattered was it was “ice cream” and the call of the vendor crying “quaaalityyy or roooolick ice cream, (with extra focus on the oooollllllll) was enough to send you into a mad frenzy.

The summers also brought the promise of kalbaishakhis- the nor’westers. For me nor’westers were the best part of summer. A thunderstorm which took pity on the residents who were fighting with each other- the last seat on the bus, the space on the foot stand which offered a precarious standing between life and death, all because the traveler wanted to return home a little early, the pedestrians who were jostling for space to walk between the street vendors who occupied more than half of the footpath. It took pity on the dusty, grimy streets lined with equally dusty and dried trees. It took pity on the boys playing football, who had to rest in between to cool themselves before resuming their game. It took pity on the school children looking out of the window in the last period of class, hoping, just hoping that the rains would start just when the class is dismissed. It took pity on the harried housewife who had just a few moments alone for herself to enjoy a cup of tea before her husband and kids returned and she resumed her duties. And in an answer to all their prayers, the thunder clapped, and the downpour washed away all the grime and dust and failure and tempers and soothed the city. The storm knew why it kept returning all through summer. The smiles of the residents brought him back.

Growing Up

How do you know that you have grown up? That is probably a question the answer to which eludes us. Most of us we don’t even know if we have grown up. But at times, you do feel that you are no longer a child. So when does that happen? Do we know that we have grown-up when we stop believing in Santa Claus? Or is it when we realise that Cinderella was just another love-story? When we realise that love at first sight may not necessarily have a happy ending? Or is it when we realise that there’s more to a person than just his looks? Is it when we have to find time for our parents? Or is it when our relationships actually need work? Is it when we stop trusting in people? Is it when we reminisce a lot about the past but hesitate to pick up the phone and call our friend?  Or is it when life starts being governed by the society? Is it when all we look for is not money or materials, but just a person to go home to at the end of the day?

The truth is all these are things are a part and parcel of growing up. These we can still alter, with a little extra effort. I feel that we actually grow up when we realise that good-byes are inevitable.  When we learn to accept that all good things will come to an end, that‘s when we actually grow up. We are not saddened by the thought of an ending because we know that the ending is not really an ending but another beginning. This is however solely my opinion.

To have a varied take on the subject, I asked a few of my friends, when they feel grown-up and we came up with a few collective thoughts: some deeply reflective, some just light-hearted philandering.

1. We have grown up when we start dreading the future.
2. When we start saying goodbye to alcohol and drugs
3. When we realise that we are happy with our life
4. When we say goodbye without a tear
5. When we try to find joy in little things of life

And finally when we start thinking with our mind and not our hearts… WE Have Grown Up.

P.S- If you have said goodbye to bubblewrap and “Tom n Jerry”, that doesn’t mean you have grown up, it just means that you have become a machine.

Also if your newsfeed is clogged with photos of all your friends getting married or having kids, it means you have really grown old. 😛

Being Single

Statutory Warning; This post is not meant for all those people who believe that one’s single because one had no other options.

This post is definitely not about the rantings of a singleton. Personally I don’t mind being single even if it means that I have reached an age where my Facebook Timeline has been clogged with wedding pictures or pictures of first-borns. Neither is this an invitation to the many nosy Aunts to scour out reasons as to why I m single. I had realised long back that the only reason that one was single was possibly because they are very comfortable with it. What irritates me the most, is when people try finding out the exact reason why you are single because ‘single by choice ‘ is a concept that eludes many.

This is why I decided to dig a little and make a list of all the reasons that have ever been sited to me or my friends as the etiology of our

‘singleness”

1.You are too Independent

– Yes living in a country which has crossed more than 60 years of independence, one still expects me to be dependent. Hypocrisy at it’s best. And, since when has independence been a negative thing? I mean were I a guy, I would have been very happy to find a girl who could take care of herself

2. You are over-educated.

-and here I thought that over-educated was not even a word. But apparently it is and one that is used in abundance. In the Indian scenario the concept is still that the guy should hold a degree more than the girl and that is the only reason a relation flourishes.Translated loosely it can mean I want my paycheck to be bigger than yours

3. You are too intimidating

-translation for this is roughly that you know what to do with your life and how you want it to be done. You are not going to let me treat you as a doormat

4.You have too many guy friends

-this can translate in many ways ranging from I-don’t-wanna-risk-being-bashed-up-by-your-guy-friends-should-we-break-up-in-future to I-am-not-sure-about-your-sexual-orientation (or mine for that matter)

5. You don’t behave like a girl

-translating as I want a girl who doesn’t challenge my authority and who will always be available to accompany me wherever I want to go. I can safely take her to parties and stuff because she won’t drink or talk freely to people and most importantly she ll always seek my approval before doing anything

6. You are too honest

translating as- I don’t want you to tell me about the various previous relationships you have been in because then I would have to tell you about mine.

7. You are not traditional/too traditional

-translates to I-don’t-know-myself-what-I-want. I’ll settle for what my family wants for me.

And finally this one’s a winner actually.

8. You are not marriage material

-as if this is a vital ingredient to life. Like ‘we can’t make pie because there’s no flour or something’

Moral of the story- there will always be people who try and make you feel guilty of your choices and your decisions. What’s important is you be happy.

Call me, Maybe??

The other day we were talking about relationships and how it all works. And obviously, at one point the topic had to veer towards long-distance ones. ” Define long distance” , one of my friends asked . This was something I had no idea about. I mean how to define long distance.

“Not the same city? “, I ventured.  and there I was enlightened.

According to the norms there are several kinds of long-distance relations. 

Firstly… if you are in the same country…

Chances are that it might just work. You both are in the same time-zone. You both are celebrating the same festivals. Call rates are cheaper.( As are domestic flight rates.)

Second if you are on same continent

That might work too.. Especially since the mobile phones do have discounted tariffs for neighboring countries. Also you are more or less in the same time-zone.

Third is if you are within 6 hrs time-difference zones

Chances are slim. But the glass may be seen as half-full

Last -the time difference s 12 hrs

No matter how determined you are or how many Nicholas Sparks books you have read… Chances are it isn’t going to happen.

               And here I directly quote my friend, “You cannot have a relation with your phone or Skype. You do need the person in real world , not virtual”

The Post Break-Up Saga

The other day I asked one of my friends out for coffee and she refused, saying that she had to clean-up her post break-up mess. Now I knew, how hard that actually was and having grown up on a steady diet of chick-flicks and lits, I presumed that it would be pretty traumatising for her and it might actually involve a lot of “burning stuff or shredding them to pieces” .Being the good friend that I was, I showed up at her place, a bag of ‘comfort food’ in hand.

Imagine my surprise, when a pretty normal drawing room greeted me.. There were no smell of burning or any shreddings. The only thing that was there, was her laptop on the table. When I asked her about it, she told me, “You need to grow up. and stop watching those chick-Flicks. real life s more challenging than burning stuff up” and it was then that I was enlightened about the NEW AGE BREAK-UP CLEANSING.

Apparently more important than getting the person out of the life, was to get him out of your social network. So we spent a greater part of the day screening some 1106 photos on her Facebook account, categorically removing any picture of “them” together. ( I swear my eyes were all glossy and watery; not for the sad end to the relation but from staring at the screen for so long). Then I watched her remove all the photos from Instagram. (her degree of dedication and order made me realise how great a CEO she ll actually make!) And then finally she removed him from her friend-list. Same thing was repeated in her Twitter account. (no offence, but I secretly thanked God that Orkut had shut down) . Then she marked his address as Spam in her home , work1, and work2 email ids. 

Guess she wanted to avoid something like this. 😛

And I thought that we were actually done. But sadly this was not it. Next she had to formally inform everyone in their common circle that they were over. This too was done in an efficient and orderly fashion. I objected to this saying “let there be some dignity left in your relationship” because the whole process felt a bit extremist and bizzare to me. But I was assured that this was done in a mutually consented way and that it was done to avoid any “sticky situations” in the future.

“like what?”

“like imagine the pain you would feel when you guys show up at the same event without being fore-warned. This way the hosts will know that you are not together and will inform you beforehand that the other half is invited, so you ll have a freedom of choice . Or someone accidentally liked an old picture of you guys so it showed up on your notifications,you’ll be caught off guard! totally”

This was a pretty logical explanation I guess but somehow me n logic (or for that matter practicality) never did work. For me it was and always will be the “burning his stuff or shredding them to pieces”

P.S- I miss the time when a break-up meant ice-cream and girl-friends. we are growing up..

The Perks of Being Doctor

I ll try and keep this one short and crisp. A lot has been written about the tough life Doctors lead. So on and so forth. And almost every Doctor has at one point or the other written or expressed as to how they are over-worked, dealing with life-threatening diseases, not having a life of their own, so on and so forth. For all these they do deserve a kudos. They are no doubt providing a valuable service. But when it comes to their personal lives, it all seems depressing. So i came up with the perks that one gets from studying medicine.

1. You are always a scholar. Or in the process of passing an exam. You live the dream . You are always a student. pre-med school, med school, residency, specialization super-specialization easily 10-12 years of your life as a student.

2. You are probably the one who doesn’t clog up people’s timelines on social networking sites with pics of your holidays abroad, or weddings or kids. ( you prevent people from feeling depressed)

3. You can always get out of any social gathering you do not want to  attend even if it is on a Sunday by saying “I am on call” . No questions will be asked ( and in most cases it’s not a lie either)

4. You can kind of use the same excuse in a modified way to get out of a social-do you did attend but found boring. ( Sorry! It’s the hospital. there’s an emergency)

5. Everyone always remains in touch with you. You are probably one of those rare “chosen ones ” in school with whom everyone exchanges at least a holiday greeting once a year. ( Hey! it always pays to know a Doctor for you never know when you may need an “internal consult”)

6. Your Bank balance is enviable. Not only because you earn it!(THAT everyone does. so mainstream! ) but also because you don’t have the time or energy to spend it.. so it all just kind of accumulates.

7. You are quite the catch in the Indian wedding scenario! remember . For an Arranged marriage it’s always a Doctor first and if it’s a love marriage chances are that acceptance rate will be high. Because hey! You are a DOCTOR!

8. You are never at a lack of topics of discussion. even amidst strangers. Because as soon as anyone learns that you are a doctor, they WILL tell you about some ailment that bothers or bugs them.

9. You have seen so many plethora of human emotions that nothing surprises you. EVER!

10. Last but not the least, you never have to wait in the long queue waiting for the doctor to see you! 🙂

Salon Chronicles

I know . There’s a lot of jokes doing rounds regarding a woman and her salon bills. In fact most of the people think it’s a frivolous activity and the amount of money spent – obscene. But there are so many reasons a woman goes to the saloon and trust me, “looking good” is just a tip of the iceberg.

I don’t know if anyone has heard of the adage but I’ve. It goes something like this, “a woman should never lie to three people, her lawyer, her stylist and her tailor”. And somewhere down the line this is true.

When a woman goes to the salon it’s not merely to upkeep her looks. Salons are the ultimate destination for quality time with the girls. Yes, we do have girls-night-outs too, but it doesn’t even hold a candle to the salon outings. After all ,what could be better than sharing mutual exchange of information, ( I refrain from using the word ‘gossip) than over mud-masks or better still sharpening those talons for’ serious damage’ or ‘self-defence’ (yes! that’s what we mean by a manicure)

Even if you can’t manage an outing with the girls, you can still find plenty of other reasons to go to the salon.  There’s an unlimited stock of Vogues and Cosmopolitans in store for you, to catch up on that ‘reading’ you missed. Oh! and the best part of the salon is undoubtedly your stylist.

A little more needs to be elaborated on this particular creed . A stylist is one person who knows you and your life inside out. Partly because they are multi-taskers, ever-so-patient in hearing you out and at the same time stylishly snips your hair to give you the perfect look. These are the group of people who worry about your skin, hair and at times your sleep-cycles and alcohol input too. They are the people who always compliment you on your looks , and if you look stressed never fail to ask you the reason. So what if the bills are a bit high? in this age, where nothing comes for free why should empathy ? ( might I add :a trip to the salon is better than a trip to the therapist?)

I look at saloons as a sort of substitute to the philosopher’s stone. It elates the mental state of mind more than the physical. after all a little pampering never hurt anyone.

P.S- I know several guys too who used to hate the idea of going to salons for something more than the occasional haircut but after being introduced to the plethora of options for pampering, hey too look forward to these little trips. (Of course they never admit in public)

But i think the day’s not far when salons will cease to be a woman’s paradise