I had been off the social media for quite some time. It was for purely academic purpose. (just when you thought you were too old to take a test).Anyway. So when I recently joined the social media again I saw my feed filled with people just criticizing each other. It all started with a single friend’s post who was ranting on how she had to work extra hard because her co-worker was on maternity leave. It seemed justifiable enough. She was just expressing an opinion I guess. But what had precipitated was an angry war on the social circle. Suddenly it became the married versus the single. So much so, that the war spilled over from the social media, into our social circle.
My social circle consists of both single and married people. So imagine when instead of croissants on a lazy Sunday morning, you were caught in cross-fires. The single started criticizing the married for their lack of ambition. Then they went on to make a ten point summary sort of thing on how you can never actually have it all. This stirred up a hornet’s nest. The married retaliated by saying things like, “they didn’t really need to go out to parties and pubs because they have a fulfilling family life and they were not hunting for potential husbands”. This led to some more angry words being exchanged. Singles were described as selfish, desperate for attention, extravagant and obnoxious. Married were described as needy, dependent and chained to the norms of the society.
All this hulaboo made my brunch taste bitter in my mouth. But it also led me to wonder. What is it that makes us so critical of others? Why are we so ready to shred down someone who is not following the norms? If someone is married why are they criticizing someone who is not married? Weren’t they single at one point of time as well? Why is a single person so critical about someone who is married? Won’t they ever cross over to the other side? What is wrong if we have crossed a certain age and are still not married? Why do we have to shame someone if they are fat? Why do you shame someone who prefers a book over Netflix? Why is it a big deal if you are a sloppy dresser? Why do you need to discuss someone s personal choices while commuting? Why is it always a scandal if someone chooses to leave the norm and find happiness on their own?
Single people aren’t selfish. Married people are not boring. It’s okay if you prefer your pyjamas to a lbd. It’s okay to be a nerd. It’s perfectly okay to take that trip alone, to go to that restaurant/movie alone. It’s okay to share your kid’s achievements on social media. It’s okay not to be married when you are 35. It s okay if you can’t let go of your love of gourmet. In the end we all have our weaknesses and that is fine. It’s what makes us humane. So let’s just stop being so judgmental. When was it actually that we stopped supporting each other and started pulling each other down? I wonder.
And in the mean time, my energy is solely going to focus on quitting the judgmental side and trying to be a supportive encouraging person or on “sprinkling pixie dust” as someone fondly says. Because in the end, we could all do with a little bit of sunshine.
Diary of the Twenties 